I wish I could get through one holiday season without reading a ton of horror stories about LGBT people having to go home and deal with their bigoted relatives, or even allies who just don’t want to deal with all that over the holidays. Perhaps it’s because I’m feeling super protective of my husband right now, so you’ll have to forgive me, but I am so sick and fucking tired of this bullshit.
I am seriously tired of shitty behavior being excused and validated by applying the “family” word to it. The apologetics are always broken out in defense of them. “Let it go.” “You know how they are.” “They were raised in a different time.” “Family only meets a few times a year.”
Why are they the ones allowed to have the filter off? I saw one of my Facebook friends today post a picture that their mother had in their house. It said: “Liberal free zone: No special snowflakes allowed.” The true meaning of Christmas, goodwill unto others, eh?
Allow me one minute to give a hearty “fuck you!” to that mother, and to anyone else who convinces themselves that this is reasonable behavior. We’re considered rude if we tell Uncle Steve to shut his fucking mouth, but if he starts quoting the Rush Limbaugh rant that made him once again see the errors of the evil queer ways and how they need to come to Jesus to forever steer away from their bathroom penis coke orgies, they’ll be magically cured and become legitimate human beings.
That’s bullshit, and that kind of shit has to stop. I haven’t gone through all the bullying, hazing, and pain in my life to have to deal with it from my own family, and nobody else should either. And the ones who know better are even worse, because they know it’s shitty behavior, and they know their loved ones are being hurt, but they excuse it on the pretense of social obligations around the holidays.
I can only imagine their heads blowing up if I had a sign in my house that said: “Apologize for your gender, cis scum!” or “Totally Queer Zone: No Fucking Drumpf Voters Allowed!” The outrage, indignity, and the phrase “War on Christmas” scrambled in somewhere could be heard over the next remake of the Christmas Carol, this time starring the Big Bang Theory guy doing a QUUUUUUUUIRKY version of Scrooge because isn’t mocking autism hilarious if they’re the good guys?
And if you choose not to go, be prepared for the ol’ gaslight guilt treatment. “Yeah, I wasn’t a fan of Gramma Susie’s opinion that I’m not a legitimate person because I don’t subscribe to her particular fairy tale in the way she likes, but I’m the asshole because I didn’t want to be told that I’m a faggot who’s going to hell again… Fuck me, right?”
We are not obligated to put up with your bullshit the other 363 days a year, so on the days when we’re supposed to be treating each other nicely, at least as social norms designate, it’s time to stop tolerating shitty behavior. We already elected a narcisstic bully as the President, so it’s going to be hard enough existing as an out LGBT person without having to be bullied by your own family. And if their version of keeping the peace is to excuse their behavior by telling you that we don’t have to agree about everything to be in the same room, rephrase what they just said back at them personalized instead of a vague platitude about the queers taking over Target or something.
“Gee Ma, I’d really love to come and hear Aunt Janet tell me about how cows don’t go to heaven unless they’re slaughtered by a cis straight white man who hates pride flags and uses them for target practice, but I’m not really a fan of being in the same room as people who consider me less of a person. Yeah, I know you all believe in Jesus, the guy who said love your family and your neighbor as yourself, and I guess I missed the part where if you identify differently or love someone else that you’re doomed for a lake of fire that this person who supposedly loves you is more than happy to condemn you to for existing, but I think I’d have a better time trying to find the one blade of grass in my yard that whistles in the same pitch as an Alex Jones rant, because that sounds more productive than having to be silent while you excuse my own family telling me that I’m not a human being because I don’t agree with them.”
Fuck you, fuck your bigotry, and fuck your tolerating intolerant apologetic bullshit. Fuck your guilt trips, fuck your gaslighting, and fuck your attempts at holiday peace by always giving in to the loud, bigoted bullies just because they’re the ones who yell the loudest and have to be the ones placated or they won’t come.
Maybe, for once, THEY can be the uncomfortable ones. Until then, I’ll have my queer-only holiday party and have a much better time, kthxbye.